February 20, 2015

Yes, I do read your e-mails!

I just don’t respond to your e-mails because I don’t believe it will help. It seems like if I had responded to your e-mails you would just go back to ignoring me again and nothing would be resolved.

Do you understand what triangulation is? Please don’t take it personally when you hear that word “triangulation” but please do look it up and try to understand what that means from a clinical perspective. You are triangulating when you speak for other family members.

You telling me that my brother misses me very much won’t convince me that it’s true. It’s the same thing for my sister-in-law when she writes to say that my parents miss me. How am I supposed to believe it’s true if the people you all are speaking for don’t come forward?

When I first learned about what triangulation is I did an inventory of myself to try and find out how I have participated in triangulation over the years. I think we have all contributed to triangulating the situation by speaking for others and inserting ourselves in each other’s relationships. We are all guilty of this!

I don’t want to be that person. That is why it’s important to get counseling. So a professional can point out unhealthy ways of being versus healthy ways to be. Today, I do my best not to speak for other people. I speak for myself. And I can only control myself.

Yes, I used to have your phone blocked. You have no idea how much turmoil we were going through because no one was respecting what Don and I were trying to do with our daughter. The phone calls were too much. No one was listening to us with regard to our daughter. We had to make life and death decisions only to have people in other states swoop right in and mess up everything we had done to keep our daughter safe. It’s frustrating when people think they know what is going on but in reality you all have NO CLUE! You still have NO CLUE!

But, the phone numbers have not been blocked for a very long time. We don’t have anyone’s phone number blocked or e-mails for that matter.

In the last e-mail you sent you wanted to know what my intentions are. You said that you were getting older and that you thought that I owed you that much. I can’t believe after all these years you think I still owe you. In your eyes I always owe you. It’s a debt that can never be repaid.

And then you said that in my eyes I believe that you all did me wrong. Well, you’re right. You guys did do me wrong! You then asked if I was willing to forgive you and give you another chance. Then you go on with that famous line about how two wrongs never make a right. We are all wrong and refusing to come clean and own your part doesn’t bring reconciliation.

I’m at a complete impasse! I don’t know what else to say. I think it’s mostly because I have always looked for validation from sources that would never be able to provide it. The only validation I can cling to are the promises that God has provided me in His Word.

I’m angry and hurt and tired of crying about it. I went through grief counseling because it doesn’t seem like there will ever be any reconciliation! I think about you all passing from this Earth without reconciliation. I think about myself passing from this Earth without reconciliation.

You all are getting older and you keep throwing that in my face. Are you trying to put me on a guilt trip because we all have holidays, milestones, birthdays, accomplishments, achievements, health issues, trials, tribulations, and all sorts of LIFE scenarios going on up here too? You guys are not the only ones and I can’t count the number of times I’ve been ignored or taken out like yesterday’s trash.

You and mom get a family counselor. Have your family counselor give me a call after you guys have had a few sessions and are making progress. That’s the only way we can get our family back together.

I will get down on my knees and pray about it and ask for God’s will to be done in this situation. Because at the end of the day I want what God wants for my life and I have to go forward making sure my family is safe and not caught up in this toxic chaos that seems to get repeated over and over again. It’s too much!

Next! I think of you daily too!

3 comments:

  1. I personally don't know you, Angela, but I've been following your blog for ten years. 10 years. I am reading these posts and, honestly, a part of me feels like a shouldn't. They're too personal. But part of me has a sense of who you are, what you've been through. We come from radically different backgrounds and belief systems. But I feel you. You have poured your heart out to people and have been trying really, really hard. And I feel you are getting confused and roped in by dysfunctional family dynamos. You set your terms and people, whoever they are, need to speak for themselves. You've left the door open to honesty. Now back away. Either they come in through it or they don't. But protect your heart, soul, and mind. With respect, your decade long blogger reader. Hugs. R

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  2. Shortly before I wrote that message I'd found the resolve to jettison a very toxic person who'd been in my life for three years. I have to tell you–it was the best decision I've made in a long time. Your own journey has given mine plenty of food for thought over time, strength to improve my own and... plenty of resources. So thank YOU, too. Hugs–back at ya! R

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Thanks for the comment