1.) Did you know I am the laundry fairy extraordinaire? If you didn’t know that, now you do! Yep, that’s me!! I am the premier expert in laundering laundry with a forte in laundering laundry under EXTREME circumstances. I can launder laundry 24/7—365 days out of the year if need be. I’m pretty damn good at it too!
2.) I am in the process of washing EVERYTHING in this house. We stripped all the beds, confiscated all the pillows, bagged up stuffed animals, and have lined the hallway with mountains of items that need to be washed. Hats, gloves, scarves, mittens, and jackets too.
3.) I’m already getting a great exercise workout going up and down the stairs. I go up the stairs to start a load, back down the stairs. Up the stairs to move that load from the washer to the dryer, back down the stairs. Up the stairs to move the load from the dryer to the bed and from the washer to the dryer and then get a new load started, back down the stairs. I do this over and over until everything in the house is completely washed and disinfected. And sometimes I go up the stairs to balance out an unbalanced load. I’m telling ya, it’s fantastic exercise. You should try it sometime.
4.) My kids probably think I’m the crazy naggy lady. And sometimes they would be right. Lately I think they are starting to realize why I’m so adamant about certain things. Things like, don’t share brushes or combs with other kids. Don’t swap hats, scarves or gloves at school, make sure you wipe down the headphones before you use them in the computer room, don’t be so huggy with everyone? Please save those hugs for Mom and Dad. It’s really starting to make sense. It’s all coming together. I think they get it now.
5.) As a responsible laundry fairy extraordinaire, mom, and fellow citizen—I take my job pretty seriously. Especially when dealing with a case of Pediculus Humanus Capitis. So in addition to running up and down the stairs I can totally multitask by calling everyone that needs to be called and e-mailing everyone that needs to be e-mailed because well, when you’re dealing with a case of Pediculus Humanus Capitis it’s only the right thing to do to let people know who may have come into contact with the family member who’s dealing with these pesky creatures—right?
6.) Please don’t act like you’re above having to deal with Pediculus Humanus Capitis. Your kids are not untouchable. At some point in time they will experience this and if they don’t it’s pure luck. My oldest picked it up from daycare when she was about 3 or 4 years old, my middle child picked it up from school when she was in the first grade, and now the youngest is experiencing this in the second grade. It has nothing to do with how clean or dirty you are and Pediculus Humanus Capitis could care less what kind of house you live in or the kind of car you drive. So please, if you think you are above Pediculus Humanus Capitis you’ll just need to get over yourself.
7.) Pediculus Humanus Capitis is a pain in the ass because after we strip all the bedding away we have to apply a special spray to the mattresses and then spray anything in the house that can’t be laundered like sofas, chairs, recliners, pillows, stuff like that. Wash, wash, wash, spray, spray, spray, rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat you say? Yes, rinse and repeat! When I get everything washed and the house disinfected, we will strip the beds and repeat the process every other day or so until we are certain these Pediculus Humanus Capitis are gone forever!
8.) I only had to make two phone calls not including church and school. I gotta tell ya, the school and church response was pretty amazing. It was not at all like what we went through with the middle child. Maybe it’s me but the big organizations were pretty awesome about it. The two individual phone calls, I’m not so sure about. I think people were in a hurry to get off the phone with me. Or maybe it’s just me being paranoid. If it’s not me, then I have to say—it is what it is and people should be happy I bothered to pick up the phone to telephone them about this in the first place.
9.) Oh, that special shampoo the entire family has to use is not all that cheap. Yes, the entire family should be washing up their scalp with that special stuff. Even if you don’t think you have Pediculus Humanus Capitis, do it anyway or you may regret it later and then you’ll have to start all over again and that would really suck. So far, we are fairly certain it’s just the youngest one that has it. Poor little sweetheart was pretty depressed this morning. She asked if any of her friends at school would find out. I told her, “Not if you don’t tell them!” In about 7 to 10 days we’ll repeat the shampoo process as a family and hopefully that will be the last of Pediculus Humanus Capitis for this household!
10.) Did you have to look up Pediculus Humanus Capitis in the dictionary or is Google your friend? Come on now, BE HONEST.