September 21, 2013

Zip Your Lip


It’s not your story to tell. You cannot fix this. You are not a doctor. You have no idea what is going on. It’s not okay to pluck people out of their environment because you think your way is better. Stay out of it. Every time we get her into a place of hope and healing you try to remove her from the situation. Stop it.

Get control of yourself and start acting like loving, caring, compassionate, responsible adults who know when to leave certain things alone. Maybe if you tell yourself that you don’t have all the answers your own life will improve and you won’t be so busy judging everyone else’s. Try to be mature and sensible for once and do not make this about you. It’s not about you. It never has been about you.

There is a reason why things seem a little off. Don’t you think we know that? We are the ones living it, not you. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes you just have to go with it and stop creating fantasies in your mind about what you think is happening because you have no idea what you’re talking about.

When someone speaks truth into your life don’t run from it and don't take it personally. They are not trying to hurt you or attack you. There are many people in this world going through things. We are not clones of each other. The world is a diverse place and many people are hurting. People need to be loved, supported, and encouraged—not bashed or enabled.

Do you know what the difference is between “helping” and “enabling?” Helping someone is doing something for someone they cannot do for themselves. Enabling someone is doing something for someone that they can and should do for themselves.

It’s destructive to pluck someone out of a situation that offers hope and your actions will not change the prognosis. When you enable you ultimately hurt them. You think you are helping but your view of helping is warped.

I’m not telling you all of this to be mean or nasty. Again, it’s not about you. Try and step outside of yourself for a minute and realize that you are not the only person in this world who is hurting. Let it be.

For once in your life try to admit that maybe you don’t have all the answers. Can you imagine for a second what it is like when you have someone on track to get better and someone steps in and plucks her from the support system that is trying to genuinely help and promote true healing and stability? Think about that.

God put us up here in Nebraska because He knew what we were going to go through and He has mercy and compassion for our situation as it is. God knew she was going to be able to get the help that she needs right here in Omaha. Why would anyone in their right mind go against that?

The last time you got involved it caused a lot of damage. You plucked her right out of the plan we had in place for her. This is an example of enabling. All the time, effort, and progress we made was for nothing.

It’s like doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. You think it’s going to be different so you keep trying the same thing over and over again and the result is always the same. Perhaps it’s time to change how you think about things. Maybe it's time to stop gazing at yourself so much. Think of others.

What you can do is be supportive when she calls. You can be encouraging when she sounds like she wants to give up on herself. Don’t talk to her about negative things that have happened in the past. That will hurt her!!!! Don’t talk bad about the people who love her the most!!!! Stop gossiping about things you have no knowledge of. If you don’t have anything nice to say to her zip your lip. Stop trying to get her to turn her back on her life.

You know what would be helpful? It would be helpful if when you get a call you would listen and have caring and compassion in your heart. Don’t talk about yourself. Offer only loving supportive words. Validate her because what she is telling you is very real to her. Don’t make it about you. Maybe you can listen for once and stop trying to fix. You can’t fix this.

At the end of the day I know people are going to do what they’re going to do and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s like beating my head against a brick wall. You guys don’t listen. You think you know everything and you don’t listen.

In the past I have tried so many times to be open and honest about what is going on up here but for some reason no one wants to listen. Instead, people want to make it about them. It’s not about you. It’s not your story to tell, either.

Please respect her dignity and stop running your mouth. If you love her you will leave her in the place where she is provided with hope and healing. You cannot be her caregiver. You are not qualified to be her caregiver. You are not GOD.

A couple of weeks ago I got some really good news. The news was so good I was over-the-moon happy for once because someone gave me fantastic news about MY Kid. The next thing I know I’m being told someone wants to take MY Kid away from the people who are able to help her. It’s like beating my head against a brick wall.

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1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you wrote this. You needed to get it out. I think it's good to put it out there. Release it. And you write clearly without the tone of anger. Oh I know there's anger, but this isn't snippy, know what I mean? Point very well made.

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Thanks for the comment