June 6, 2013

Detach from Other People's Moods

You must be able to detach from other people’s moods in order to take care of yourself in relationships. People can use their moods to control you: to make you feel guilty, to make you feel responsible for them, to make you do what they want, and to keep you from taking care of yourself and living your life.

Here are some comments from people who have allowed others to determine their moods:

“My mood is directly related to everyone else’s mood. I find it hard to be happy when anyone in my family is unhappy, and the sad part is that I am naturally a happy go lucky person!”

“When my spouse is in a bad mood, I ask him what is wrong. He usually says ‘Nothing.’ Then I get in a bad mood because I know something is wrong and then he tells me that his bad mood is my fault and I question myself and wonder if I really did cause him to be miserable. It’s a vicious cycle.”

Moods are particularly difficult to detach from unless you really grasp this concept. When other people are unhappy, pouting, self-pitying, angry, frustrated, or just plain miserable, it is because of how they are handling their own emotions. They can try to blame it on you, but you don't have to accept it because you didn’t cause it, and it isn’t your problem to fix. They can CHOOSE to feel and behave a different way, and it is their responsibility to do so. You can stay detached, choose to feel how you feel apart from the mood and set boundaries if needed.

Detaching from other people’s moods is the only way you can take care of yourself and not fall into the trap of becoming moody yourself.

When someone is in a "mood," it is important to remember that you didn't cause it, you don't have to fix it, and you don't have to argue with it. You don't have to be in a "mood" yourself either. Have a good day by detaching from other people’s moods.

By Karla Downing


  1. My favorite part: "They can CHOOSE to feel and behave a different way, and it is their responsibility to do so."

  2. Very interesting. Definitely a challenge, but important to keep in mind. About ONE"s own behavior, too.

    It also makes you realize how vital a parent's mood is to a child's development. Growing up I was never sure what the mood in my house would be–I had to develop "atmospheric feelers" to gauge how to act every day and heck, the weather vane could change very quickly.

    Thanks, Angela, for a great post...Rach

  3. WOW, that sounds familiar to me Rach.

  4. That is such a great post... that opens people's eyes - if they want to see things... I mean, I need to read such sentences to let some feelings of guilt go, but easier said than done... anyway, a great post, really!


Thanks for the comment