The definition of insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. No, you're not insane. But it sometimes feels that way when nothing changes despite your tenacious efforts. Harnessing a keen awareness of your present moment and trying a new approach can feel awkward and unnatural, given your past experiences. If you know yourself to be a people pleaser and one who never rocks the boat, this makes it difficult to imagine taking a different approach. The history of your experience is powerful and can dominate your reactions, but it is not necessarily relevant to the here and now. So, just because someone once intimidated you into believing that you had nothing important to say and that you should keep quiet and maintain peace at all costs, that doesn't mean it's true now. It wasn't true then either, but children don't really have a choice. It was not your fault. You may have done the best you could as a child, but you can make new choices as an adult.
H/T: Disarming the Narcissist