September 26, 2012

Where Is Daddy?

The answer is clear: Father is revolving around Mother like a planet around the sun. The narcissist needs to be married to a spouse who will allow her to be at the center of all the action. That is how it has to be if the marriage is to survive. In the family drama, the narcissist is the start, and her spouse takes a supporting role. 

A man gets himself into this situation for many reasons, but for our discussion the most pertinent point is that he is the kind of person who accepts this behavior form his spouse and, most of the time, enables her. Perhaps he doesn't always want to, but he does, because he has learned over time that this is what works with her. Because the father focuses on his wife, his pact with the mother can make him look narcissistic too. He is unable to attend to the needs of his daughter. 

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This unspoken agreement between parents who share a narcissistic nest is strong and impenetrable to anyone, but especially a daughter, who is seen as competition by the mother. 

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The emotional health of daughters of narcissistic mothers is in effect sacrificed so that their father can keep the peace with his wife. 

H/T: Karyl McBride, Ph.D. 

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