September 20, 2010

How Big Are Your Problems?

That was today’s question in my Bible: How big are your problems? Big problems put you in a perfect position to watch God give big answers.

Is it a coincidence that I came across that question with everything that has been going on in my life and in the life of my teenager? No, I don’t believe it was a coincidence at all. I believe that God is trying to remind me of something that always slips my mind when I’m in the middle of a problem.

So here I am in the middle of my morning bible study and I keep reading all the way to these verses: Psalm 142:1-2. That’s when I start asking myself questions. Angela, when was the last time you cried out to the Lord? When was the last time you pleaded for the Lord’s mercy?

I guess I have just always given my problems a very low category on the scope of “real” problems that everyone else has that are so much more pressing than mine. I keep thinking to myself that God knows what my problems are. God knows my worries. God knows my fears. I try not to dwell on them too much because I know that God will work it out. I guess I have this quiet confidence in the back of my mind and heart that no matter what is going on God will fix it. Am I too comfortable? Maybe God would like it if I cried out to him any way! Maybe it’s ok to talk to God about my issues even though I don’t want to burden him with these “trivial” matters. I know, I know, I have them labeled “trivial” because in the big scope of God I’m thinking, “he doesn’t have time for my pettiness.” That’s not true at all and I have to STOP that sort of thinking. I know better!

But today while reading all of these coincidental verses I started to change my thought process on all of it. Maybe God does want to hear even the smallest trouble even though I know that he knows what is already going on. Maybe I shouldn’t be so comfortable in knowing that I already know that he knows. Maybe God wants to hear from me just the same? Maybe I could just have a conversation with him and see what he will decide to do with me because at the end of the day this is how my perception will be shaped. I’m supposed to learn something from the situation, right? Maybe it’s time for me to start thinking outside of the box and formulate my discussion with God and just share with him. He wants to hear from me no matter how much I know deep down that He my LORD and Savior will handle it. You following me?

So then I get on to the next section of my Bible and I come to Proverbs 17:24-25. In verse 25 it says, “Foolish children bring grief to their father and bitterness to the one who gave them birth.” I don’t want to be bitter. I want to have it together. I don’t want to hold a grudge. I want to be open to loving my daughter even when she doesn’t make sense. Of course I love her! I will never stop loving her! I just don’t understand what she is going to do with her life right now. She keeps messing up to the point where I think she’s hit rock bottom but then I realize she has not and wonder what her rock bottom will be? That’s the scary part for me. When will enough be enough, ya know? I don’t want to enable her and I will not be a doormat. In a sense I seriously need to have a conversation with God about how to fix me and how I react to her.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am looking forward to watching God give me some BIG answers. I can’t wait to see what HE is going to teach me. But first I think I need to have a conversation with him. I do think it’s interesting that people back in Old Testament days had trouble with their children too.

June 2010

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